"I don't want to leave any footprints on the sands of time". I know that this blog can be considered a footprint, but I might delete it before I die. I use this blog in my search for human beings that understand me and share the same feelings as me. If you are one, please write me a line, a comment, give me a sign. Thanks.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
The Beginning
"The inward journey begins only when you understand it clearly that anything outside is not going to give you contentment." There is always this contradiction in me: I get to realize that the outside is empty so many times but then I tend to forget and come back. I can't yet let go of the outside. It drags me closer every time I try to escape.
The Backstage of Life
"When you become a witness, you enter the backstage of life - and there things are really absurd - you start seeing things as they are. Everything is illogical, nothing makes sense. But that is the beauty of life..."
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Making room for new ideas
An old story relates an incident where a young man claiming to want to learn something new about the art of Zen visited a famous Zen master. It was obvious to the master at the outset that this young man had already thought he had reached an understanding well beyond his years, but that he was coming to the master simply to be able to say to others that he had indeed studied with the great teacher. The master invited the young man to share a cup of tea with him and he proceeded to fill the young man's cup. When the tea reached the top of the cup, the master continued to pour more tea from the pot. After a short while, the tea began to run over the cup and onto the floor, and, finally, the young man could not contain his anxiety and shouted "stop, the cup will hold no more." "So it is with any idea," said the master, "you must first empty your cup before it can again be filled."
The problem for me is: How to empty my cup? If you know a method, please let me know. Please.
The problem for me is: How to empty my cup? If you know a method, please let me know. Please.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Giving a second per day for peace
Please give just a second per day to think about peace and how you can create peace in this world. Just a second!
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Do you believe in fate?
I don't believe in fate. I can't believe fate is driving me through my life. How can fate exist if now, right now, if I want to run, I run, if I want to eat, I eat, if I want to cry, I cry, if I want to dream, I dream? How can you tell me that my fate is written somewhere and I just follow it? I ran because it was written, I ate because it was written, I cried because it was known that I will cry, and I dreamed because I was supposed to dream. NO, NO, NO. I can think and I can feel all by myself. I have a mind and I have a soul. OK, I agree that around me there are other factors that happen without my interaction but I, myself, here, I can decide what happens next to me. Ok, I didn't get to choose if I should get into this life (see my previous post), but I still have something to say about my life. So, don't try to bring me the "fate" story because I would not listen to you.
The feelings are an issue in this society
One of my best qualified coworker just told me that she is leaving the team because she has feelings for somebody else from the team.
She said that our manager recommended her to do this. But why? What is wrong with having feelings for someone you work with? It will just make work more pleasant.
I'm sad anyway. I'm sad for living in a time when I don't want to live. I don't belong here. I don't. And I'm so sorry that nobody asked me before I was born: "do you like this world in which you are about to be born?" No, I wasn't given this option and here I am, in a world where I feel that I'm not. There are beautiful things in this world but ... what is wrong in it is the people. People fight each other, hate each other, kill each other and love is long gone. I'm so alone.
She said that our manager recommended her to do this. But why? What is wrong with having feelings for someone you work with? It will just make work more pleasant.
I'm sad anyway. I'm sad for living in a time when I don't want to live. I don't belong here. I don't. And I'm so sorry that nobody asked me before I was born: "do you like this world in which you are about to be born?" No, I wasn't given this option and here I am, in a world where I feel that I'm not. There are beautiful things in this world but ... what is wrong in it is the people. People fight each other, hate each other, kill each other and love is long gone. I'm so alone.
Is this bad or good?
For me, life it's a struggle for defining what is bad and what is good. And I never succeeded in defining it yet. People have different opinions about it and that is why it is very hard. If I had been alone on this planet maybe it would have been easier. But I'm not. I meet someone that says "it's good" and later I meet someone else that says "it's bad". So I'm confused. If I could only talk to "God" from time to time... 'Cause he is alone and so he is not confused by anybody.
No time for me only
Don't you feel you never have time for yourself? There is always something I have to do, it's either job related, family related or friends related. But it’s so hard to find some time only for you...
my reason in life
I'm still in search for a reason for my life. I've heard many thoughts about it but I couldn't just agree on them.
Did you find a reason for your life?
Did you find a reason for your life?
What is death...
And then there is death. Death is something that contradicts everything; it contradicts life first of all.
You know it's there, it can come anytime. You don't know exactly when, but it will certainly come.
Why are people committing suicide considered to be "very" sinful people? They just ended the pain of life and the pain and despair of not knowing when it will happen, when death will happen. They just made everything deterministic. It is here and it is now.
Of course, I have no ideas what is going to happen when we die. Everybody has his idea and this is what makes my life harder. Cause I don't know whom to believe. Somebody says that I shouldn’t believe anyone, I 'experience' it myself. But wait, cause I don't want to die yet because there are so many things that I don't know about this life. I don't know if they will be useful when I die. But they might. So this is me today, in a search of nothing specific, in a search of learning as much as I can with no particular reason.
How do you approach this?
You know it's there, it can come anytime. You don't know exactly when, but it will certainly come.
Why are people committing suicide considered to be "very" sinful people? They just ended the pain of life and the pain and despair of not knowing when it will happen, when death will happen. They just made everything deterministic. It is here and it is now.
Of course, I have no ideas what is going to happen when we die. Everybody has his idea and this is what makes my life harder. Cause I don't know whom to believe. Somebody says that I shouldn’t believe anyone, I 'experience' it myself. But wait, cause I don't want to die yet because there are so many things that I don't know about this life. I don't know if they will be useful when I die. But they might. So this is me today, in a search of nothing specific, in a search of learning as much as I can with no particular reason.
How do you approach this?
Does love exist?
I thought I believe in love, I thought love could save me, I thought I will find love.
I thought that what I give to people it is love, but how can I tell? Nobody tell me that what I give them is love. They just say thanks, sometimes.
Where are you LOVE? How can I find you? I don't even know what to look for, in fact. How can I look after something that I don't know how it is, or how it can be described?
There was a false impression at one point in my life that I have found love but I ended up with the conclusion that it was just a physical attraction. Hey Freud, did we give love a bad name? Or are you saying love is just a physical attraction? In fact I like this physical attraction, it's something unique or divine (can I use this word?) and it gives me an enjoyable state. But people transformed it into a tabu thing. It's bad to be attracted to someone (unless it's your wife or girlfriend). But this is not the point, I would like to freely say that I really like person X, even if I really like the person Y sitting beside me right now. But this is not allowed, you just can't do this in this society without making person Y made and eventually loose her and some other consequences. Is physical attraction just the first step to find love? I don't know. Do you?
Can you help me understand/find/search LOVE? Please, if you can I beg you to help me. Thanks
I thought that what I give to people it is love, but how can I tell? Nobody tell me that what I give them is love. They just say thanks, sometimes.
Where are you LOVE? How can I find you? I don't even know what to look for, in fact. How can I look after something that I don't know how it is, or how it can be described?
There was a false impression at one point in my life that I have found love but I ended up with the conclusion that it was just a physical attraction. Hey Freud, did we give love a bad name? Or are you saying love is just a physical attraction? In fact I like this physical attraction, it's something unique or divine (can I use this word?) and it gives me an enjoyable state. But people transformed it into a tabu thing. It's bad to be attracted to someone (unless it's your wife or girlfriend). But this is not the point, I would like to freely say that I really like person X, even if I really like the person Y sitting beside me right now. But this is not allowed, you just can't do this in this society without making person Y made and eventually loose her and some other consequences. Is physical attraction just the first step to find love? I don't know. Do you?
Can you help me understand/find/search LOVE? Please, if you can I beg you to help me. Thanks
Nihil
I'm in a very sad mood and I can't get out of it. I try to make myself believe that I can succeed to do it, but I can't.
I feel that my entire life was useless. I don't know what to do next.
I thought I was strong but in fact I'm very weak. There is a big difference between 'knowing the path' and 'walking the path'. But do I actually know the path? I'm not certain. In fact, I'm not certain of anything.
To be able to survive in this life, I need a goal. And I will dedicate all my efforts towards it. But I cannot find this goal. Nobody is telling me what this goal is, or it should be. I don't know where to start; I don't know what good or bad. It like my entire system of values is broken. I used this rule until now: "If I don't hurt anybody by doing what I do, then it should be good. Otherwise is bad." But now I really doubt the validity of this rule. Why? Because it is recurrent. How can I say if what I do, hurts or doesn't hurt the other? Because people are not sincere anymore. They keep their thoughts, beliefs, fears or hates inside themselves. They don't tell you anything. At least not for now - they will attack you later somehow.
When I was a kid I tried to read this book called "Nihil" (nihilism). The author was writing on how unworthy is everything in this life. At that time I said to myself - he is a crazy person, and I refused to finish the book. Now I begin to go into the same direction. Why?
I feel that my entire life was useless. I don't know what to do next.
I thought I was strong but in fact I'm very weak. There is a big difference between 'knowing the path' and 'walking the path'. But do I actually know the path? I'm not certain. In fact, I'm not certain of anything.
To be able to survive in this life, I need a goal. And I will dedicate all my efforts towards it. But I cannot find this goal. Nobody is telling me what this goal is, or it should be. I don't know where to start; I don't know what good or bad. It like my entire system of values is broken. I used this rule until now: "If I don't hurt anybody by doing what I do, then it should be good. Otherwise is bad." But now I really doubt the validity of this rule. Why? Because it is recurrent. How can I say if what I do, hurts or doesn't hurt the other? Because people are not sincere anymore. They keep their thoughts, beliefs, fears or hates inside themselves. They don't tell you anything. At least not for now - they will attack you later somehow.
When I was a kid I tried to read this book called "Nihil" (nihilism). The author was writing on how unworthy is everything in this life. At that time I said to myself - he is a crazy person, and I refused to finish the book. Now I begin to go into the same direction. Why?
Monday, May 10, 2004
Stop the War!
If you can do anything, anything at all to stop a war or a fight, do it without hesitation.
Life is a lot more beautiful without another war. Please, preserve the blue sky, please!
Life is a lot more beautiful without another war. Please, preserve the blue sky, please!
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